What do I do with my defiant 14 yr. old son? Please help me!! Thank you.?

Last year, my son was in sports all year, had good grades and gave me little grief. This year, however, (8th grade), he's focused on girls (of course), little interests in organized sports, grades are below average "C", and he does not listen to me! I ground him, take his xbox, cell phone, etc a way and he leaves when he wants anyhow. I'm a single Mom (his Dad is deceased) and now-a-days you can't "make" your kids listen by physical force. Meaning, you can't or even grab your kid without the fear of Family Services getting involved. By nature, my son is big-hearted (as his teachers agree.) He's the 1st one there for me when I really need his help too. But right now, he's going through some phase where he'll be in control of his life regardless of consequence(s.) I even had my son in counseling for 2 months and I saw NO improvement at all. I'm fed up! He's zapping every bit of strength I have and taking a way from my energy that I should have for his younger brother, age 13 (who thank goodness is in sports, an A-B student and listens to me for the greatest part.) My 14 yr. old, however, is so off track. He swears in my presence and is verbally abusive towards me at times, even in his texts to me. His school counselor has no suggestions! (I'm told by agencies that until my son ends up in legal trouble, there are no programs out there to help with defiant, disrespectful & unappreciative kids.) Sorry. But I'm not wanting to sit around and wait until my son gets that far into a hole. I need intervention now! Suggestions please! (And no, I have absolutely no family members to send my son to unfortunately.) Thank you sincerely. NOTE: I'm a newly graduated LPN (nursing.) I can NOT involve the state (family services) or I'll lose my certification and will lose the career I fought long and hard for. Also, I'd be dismissed from a nationally recognized volunteer organiztion that I work at 20 hours each week. (Please don't think I'm choosing career over my own son. But it's MY career that keeps us barely thriving!)